Rain
by KingdomHeartsRazor
Summary: China was a very old nation, if not the oldest. Living this long, he has endured more than his share of pain. Even now, negative thoughts plague him. It was only a matter of time before he descends into insanity. Then why has the rain stopped falling? [Rated T: SEVERE Negative Thoughts / Asia Family Cameo / One-Shot (?)]


**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

Hm...I must be really lonely to be writing this much angst FanFiction as I am now.

So here's another fanfiction about China. It's really...Well, I'll let you read on.

So go on...read...

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Hetalia or any of it's contents.**

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Why had they left him? Left him behind? Left him, who raised them from ground up? Why?

It must have been his fault. No chance that they would all leave him to suffer. They were much too good for that. He's always known them as good people, even better siblings; they wouldn't just pack up and leave whenever, right? No. It must have been his fault.

China didn't know how he managed to drive all his siblings away. Really he didn't, no matter how much he pondered on the subject, he could find no answer. He must have done something wrong, must have, but what was it? Was it him? Had they hated him from the beginning? What did he exactly do for them to hate him this much? His heart pined to know, his brain wrenching his memories apart in attempt to find the answer. There was none, of course, as expected. China only knew that he was the one at fault, not his siblings. There was just no way they were all at fault. He must be the one.

He never told his insecurities to anyone else, not that there was anyone else to express his feelings to and actually understand it. Everyone had either hated him or merely acknowledged his existence and nothing more. Even his siblings seemed distant; almost no one accepted his festival invitations. Japan, who had accepted out of courtesy found him annoying and left before long. China started to feel like he didn't even feel like he was even allowed to converse with them, like it was his punishment. Punishment for what, he didn't know and probably never will.

China was old, really old. He really was, even though he appeared as a young adult, he was actually four thousand years old. How he survived that long while others had withered away into oblivion, he did not know. He did know that only through luck he had managed to trudge on. There was no way a nation like him could survive this long. If anything, he would consult anyone for advice, but if anyone should be asking advice, they should ask him. In fact, many of the "younger" nations would approach him for advice, asking how to function on how he had lasted this long as a nation. China would answer them of course; his pride would never let him turn them down despite the facts. He would answer them the best he could and hope that he was doing the right thing. Every time he tried to decide something for someone else, he felt like he was wrong. That everything he ever did was wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong…his mind scolded him. You are wrong.

China knew that there was one thing he did that wasn't wrong. He wasn't wrong picking up his siblings. The only thing he was sure that he didn't do wrong was finding his siblings and taking them in. He knew that they wouldn't have survived long without his help. China helped them get on solid ground, allowing them to step on his back to make it as a stable nation. Even though he had ended up pushing them away, he was glad that they were alive now. He knew it was his fault that he was alone now, but he was glad that they were all alive. They were alive. They survived. That's what counted, right?

Then why did he feel like he was dying? Why did he feel like his heart was being torn away from his chest? Why did he feel lonely, so unaccomplished? Why did he feel like it was a burden just to be alive? Why did these negative thoughts plague him for long?

One day he just couldn't take it. These thoughts were hurting him. It hurts. It hurts like hell. He was seated at a World Meeting, absent-mindedly listening to the younger nations bicker about something irrelevant. Suddenly, as if it had bit him in the neck, he stood up, claiming that he had remembered he had somewhere to be. China left without saying another word, briskly leaving the room. He didn't know if anyone had even noticed that he had left, but he couldn't care less.

He just had to get away from it all. Just to be alone for a few moments. He was sure after a long walk, he would be fine. Just like it always been. If he knew anything, China knew that with time, even the deepest wounds with heal.

So why had it become dark all of a sudden? He had entered the park sometime in the afternoon, and now it was evening. Storm clouds were rolling in; refusing to even allow the moon's light to comfort him. He didn't bother to return to the hotel where most of the nations were staying. No doubt someone will notice his absence, especially after his outburst, but he didn't care. He wanted some time alone. He needed some time alone.  
China walked blindly in the darkness of the park, ignoring the feeling of sharp glass piercing his skin as the rain began to batter down on the earth. He walked and walked, he didn't know when to stop. He was confused, really confused. The cold started to nip his skin, threatening to freeze his blood ice cold. Eventually, he was exhausted and collapsed on a bench. The only comfort was the blurry light generated by a street light that was conveniently placed next to the bench. He didn't bother to try shield himself from the rain, he allowed the ice cold water to pour down his face, drenching him in what felt like a frozen ocean.

He couldn't die. Not like this anyway. Nations couldn't get sick like a normal person would. They could only get sick if the economy was in turmoil or when a large sum of their people was slaughtered. They couldn't die if someone stabbed them repeatedly in the heart. They could only die if their entire population was demolished, so China wasn't worrying about dying. That didn't mean they couldn't feel pain. Nations often times felt the harshest pain and they couldn't get relief through death.

Death was never a relief for Nations. It was always slow and painful. Surviving as long as he has, China has felt more than his share of pain. Sometimes they were physical. Slow healing scars that would never leave him. Sometimes they were emotional, ripping apart their mental state until they were insane. China knew some nations who had descended into insanity. Russia was one of them. The poor nation had fallen into insanity after the slaughter of his people on that wretched Sunday and now was a country everyone tended to avoid on any day. China remembered when Russia was a kind and happy nation, when he was quote unquote "innocent". Secretly, he regretted not able to save him as well.

China was sure that it was his turn to descend into insanity. His economy was rising of course, but he still felt the daily suffering of his people that had been dealt unto him for all these years. He was ready for it, ready to become lost in his own craze. Ready for other Nations to avoid him like how they avoid Russia. He clutched his head, his hand struggling to claw out his eyes, trying to ignore the raw agony and pain that his thoughts brought brought, the physical and emotional numbness which chilled his whole body, trying to forget why a knife was carving into his chest.

Only then did China realize that the rain had stopped falling on him. He peeked through his hands into the darkness.

No, it was still raining. China could still hear the water pounding on the wet earth, but none of the ice cold water was falling on him.

He finally noticed hand holding the umbrella over his head.

So he looked up.

"Japan?"

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**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

Pfftt...Aiyaa, what did I do with this ending :I

imsofrickenlonelywhat

I'm really tempted to write another chapter to continue it, but I might not. I just felt like it was so appropriate to end this story here. I wanted to write this after hearing Aiyaa Four Thousand Years (China's Character Song) and I swear it's like the most depressing character song ever. Hearing it just makes me sad and bittersweet feels, more bitter than the sweet.

I _REALLY REALLY REALLY _want Japan and China (and all of siblings) to reconcile, but that will never happen in real life if you think about it. Japan and China are not going to conjoin to become NiChu unfortunately, but I can still hope that as "characters" instead of "nations" that they'll make up somehow. I really think their story isn't finished yet and I do really hope they hook back together as quote unquote brothers, along with all the other Asian Countries.

Anyways I'll stop my rant for now

Bye bye, my darlings~ Until next time :I


End file.
